In Defense of Attachment Parenting
December 29th, 2005 by Jennifer
My husband and I have been practicing attachment parenting since our daughter was born, and we are firm believers in its efficacy as a parenting style. However, we find ourselves baffled by the reaction of friends and family when we tell them we believe in it. Seems there are some misconceptions out there about what attachment parenting is and what it means to be attachment parents.
Some people think it means babywearing all day every day. That really depends on your child's needs. What attachment parents believe is in answering your child's needs, and if that means babywearing, so be it. However, if your child doesn't need constant holding, I don't believe I've read anywhere that you have to do it anyway! My daughter needed constant holding in the beginning. She was what I would term a fussy baby. She cried every single time I put her down. Even the quickest bathroom run would lead to a screaming session. She was so out of sorts, and unable to soothe herself in any situation. We read the Dr. Sears book, "The Baby Book," and followed his advice in moderation. We held her all the time, and I wore her in our Maclaren baby carrier, the sling, or the Moby Wrap. I spent two months out of contact with the rest of the world - no email, no surfing, no phone calls, because my daughter needed my attention constantly.
Then, like magic, it started to pay off at around two months. She turned a corner, and now can play on her own for half an hour at a time. She only fusses when something is wrong, and I truly believe it is because I taught her to trust that I would be there for her. Did it suck? Yes, it was so hard and yes, I nearly went crazy. However, the results are clear, she is a different baby now and I'm glad I was able to hang in there. Now I still hold her, but not constantly. She can nap in her cosleeper on her own. She will go to sleep in the bed as opposed to on top of me if I nap with her for about five minutes. I can actually get up and she doesn't mind. I can even go to the bathroom now without her freaking out. With such good results, I'm confused at why people think attachment parenting is so bad?
Other people seem to associate attachment parenting with overinvolved and overindulgent parenting. While there may be some overlap, I never read a thing about being overinvolved and overindulgent when I researched attachment parenting. It does not mean monitoring your child's dietary intake with a daily food diary to make sure he or she is getting enough calories. It just means knowing your child well enough to make sure he or she is eating properly. It does not mean sleeping with the baby in your bed for four years, or that your child will never fall asleep on his or her own. In fact, Dr. Sears advocates having the baby sleep where both mother and baby are comfortable, whether that be together or in separate beds.
To me, attachment parenting simply means following your gut instincts. When your newborn cries, she needs you and it is your job to figure out what is wrong. Babies under six months old don't manipulate you. When they cry they are communicating a true need. I was reminded of this today, when my daughter whined and fussed for two hours. Finally it dawned on me, as I watched her chew on her finger relentlessly, that she was teething and in pain. I gave her some baby Tylenol and rubbed baby Oragel on her gums, and within twenty minutes she was back to her old smiley self. Attachment parenting is about answering her needs, and once I figured out what she was trying to communicate to me, her whole attitude and demeanor changed back to happy. Attachment parenting just makes life easier for everyone involved. What could be wrong with that?
